Have you met with her privately to ask about easing the transition to preschool? been there and still worry for the regression, Sounds to me like he's not ready. He has seen his old buddies several times. So offer your toddler a snack and a glass of water. The teacher says he is ''surly'' all day in class. Did she see him as a sweet, calm boy when he first began school? He started school again almost 10 months later (elsewhere) and has been a very well behaved child and the teachers love him. She cried a few moments later, but I felt it was a great step in the right direction. He has bonded with one of the teachers - calls her his buddy. Next up will be asking for new recipes for toddlers with very few teeth and how in the hell people deal with having to get up an extra hour early in the morning to dice fruit and veg etc and pack baby lunches. I don't like doing this, but the longer I stay, the worse it gets when I have to leave. This obviously makes it very uncomfortable 1/2 day versus full day. Feeding my kids is so fucking exhausting. Best of luck. She thought that he should be allowed to come home after school, have a snack, play for a little while, and then do his homework and reading with the goal of being done before dinner. anon, My older son started preschool (Claremont in Kensington) soon after his 3rd birthday. Related: How to Help Kids with Bedtime Anxiety. The making friends part was key. There has also been lots of help for the parents of upset children. Acknowledging her feelings could be a path to connecting with her about where she's at, and working out with her what might work for both of you. However, we have seen such a huge change, and so negative, that we are questioning the pre-school situation above all. My daughter just started preschool. It sounds like you guys have some leftover emotions from his time as a premie that are still impacting you, but for him I would focus on trying to let him grow up so he can be successful as he's working towards being more independent (like going out into the world at daycare). I've watched her adjust and think it definitely takes more than one week! They might be a great support , both in sharing their own experiences and in providing emotional support for you and your son.. been there. What worked for us was having our nanny take her to preschool, since my daughter separated from her much easier than from me. Every child I have ever known gets used to the routine after a couple weeks and has an absolute blast playing with all the other kids. He's been miserable at home as well and cries when we speak about his school. Some kids are more outgoing, others quieter. They want us to try a M/W/F schedule so he won't have as big of gaps. Required fields are marked *. If, thinking it through, your instincts are telling you that this is not a fit for your son, by all means make a change. I'm not sure if this is the reason, but even after all this time has passed she still cries bitterly when I drop her off. However, if your baby really is crying non stop and can not be calmed then it's better for both parties to separate. During the first month she cried at drop off and when she saw my hubby at pick up but basically was adjusting well after 1 week. Can he get some kind of souvenir of the old place, so that he could carry a part of it with him at the new school? We and her nanny talked about it for several months before it happened. However, moving her from being ''average'' age in the class to among the oldest seemed to give her a real boost. Has anyone else had a child like this who eventually adjusted and was fine? They almost always fall for it and break into huge smiles which, of course, I have to react to in a overly dramatic upset way ''Hey, NO smiling'' Hasn't failed me yet. She spends most of her time at home with us (and I WFH). He also has missed a TON of daycare due to snow/covid and his own illnesses (Honestly probably more than half). The teacher kind of said that he was never asked for help (maybe he's not comfortable enough since he's not bonding with her) but he was handed a wipe! And it's a relatively large, chaotic preschool (not Montessori)! I suggest you come to school prepared to relax and enjoy a story or playtime with your child. It has made a world of difference. I don't know if this will help, but in times like this, I think of my former co-worker who is in her late 50's now, and was a single working mom back when that was a rarity. Help your baby to adjust to his new surroundings. Due to the pandemic, she doesn't go out much (we have high risk people at home). If he is withholding and avoiding going number 2 this would make him uncomfortable when he eats and it made my son very whiny and generally miserable. On the plus side they didn't think anything was "wrong" with him medicallyand they've said they have obviously had this issue before (Especially for kids who haven't been in childcare before) and ones that were not super socialized (He wasn't, just stayed with grandma for the first 2 years of his life). No more separation anxiety, friendly and social, and we even noticed more rapid improvements in his language. I started my son in the pre-school/daycare arrangement last October (he will be 3 next month). The first day he went I stayed for a while because he couldn't leave my side. This was a good thing because she would tell me what she'd be doing that day herself. My first son had similar attachment issues when he went to preshool for 3 mornings at age 3. From new routines to new people, it can be tough! A consistent and predictable farewell routine can . You should of course at home let him try to eat himself, and dress undress, make a game or something with a reward, but as others pointed out adjusting to routines that are there seldom is hard. She spends most of her time at home with us (and I WFH). [My daugher] would once and awhile become clingy, but could be distracted in a minute and I can only think of a couple of occasions in about a year where we ever had tears when I left for the day. He gets very stubborn and negative about routines like getting dressed, throws huge fits about any sort of transition (very uncharacteristic), and has started to tell his daddy that he hates him. Dont make a BIG deal about leaving. Overall I like the daycare (Bright Horizons, on site at my workplace), but I wish her primary teacher was a little more warm and animated. You sound like a wonderful parent. We had a routine way to say good bye and I alwyas reminded him that I would be there to pick him up after his lunch. It takes a while for them to bond sometimes because the teachers are sharing their affections and attentions with other children. I can't report back yet, as we just are starting this arrangement. Any advice helps. ''. But redirect her to the teachers whenever she comes to you. Over a couple of months, we think we identified all of the things in the environment that were upsetting our child. Set up playdates with one kid at a time, to help him find people he knows. If your son felt loved and cared for at school, he wouldn't be crying. Or at least provide you with some insight. I had a small taste of this when my son's preschool closed for the summer and we switched to a small home daycare for a couple of months. The next one or two she sat in a chair just outside the door. A reminder of home will make those first few trips to daycare a little easier and provide comfort on difficult days. I wish you well. I worked as a nanny for many years, in a preschool for a bit, have watched many of my friend's children and now have a son who has been in 2 different preschools. She has left the school and I haven't seen anyone else there do quite as much as she did for our little one. Anyways they basically said they sorta call parents after a couple of months to discuss how their kid is doing. He's also nearing three-and-a-half, and shows many of the associated difficulties described in the book Your Three Year Old (I don't buy everything this author says, but she seems spot-on with this one). The Scholastic website suggests leaving a T-shirt or handkerchief with your smell on it. It was handled very well. As of this week (week 4) things are much better. As in your case,I grew tired of hearing her tell me ''I don't want to go to preschool'' and figured it was just a slow transition thing. I was wondering if others have had similar experiences when they initially started their children at daycare/preschool. Good luck CB, My son had a similar situation and we discovered that he likes new situations, but also has a hard time transitioning over the long run. They ended up loving their experience and making many new friends over the years, which is the great news. While he had been fine at his preschool, he was very sad about the new place. They've been very caring & nurturing initially. Daycare providers and teachers are only human at the end of the day, and even they sometimes don't realize that one of their clients is feeling unhappy. While 3 year old crying at the good bye time is very common and normal, I am concerned about the lack of caring from teachers. I tell him that I understand it is big, new, and scary (his words), but that every day it will get a little better, and someday he will like it. On the other note regarding Montessori system. A friend once told me that parenting is not for the faint of heart and there was no time more evident of that than when she wasstruggling with her oldest child settling in at daycare. They gave her a fourth day and felt that she significantly improved and now feel like she's fine. I can also recommend the fabulous Kendra Frautnick http://www.kendrafrautnick.com/services.html. Can you take your son around to different preschools that have openings so you can see if he responds positively to any of them? Before then she was at home with my hubby or mom. He can be independent, he is very articulate for just turning 3 and usually appears very confident. One more idea: your child is now old enough to be evaluated by your local school district to possibly receive school district-provided OT and/or an aide in her private preschool. For some kids, that first good-bye to mom or dad in the morning can be really, really hard, but then they arae okay as the day goes on. ''5'' minutes pass (usually more), I tell her it is time to go, she says she's not ready and runs off. I told him that he could visit his old school anytime, and he seemed completely unperturbed. Are you feeling confident that this is a good school and that he will be happy there and are you sure you're communicating that to him? If you think it is the place, and not your child's completely understandable hesitance to spend so much time with strangers, then make a change. He is not doing well there. Also to add to all of these worries the teacher's helper came to me when i entered the classroom and started complaining that my son had been crying on and off.And she said if the other teacher had quit the job what can others do for thatand the way she talked to me i felt like crying. All of this is so out of character for him that I doubt I can even convey it. He had been home with an adoring nanny 3 days a week (near 10 hours) and now he in rather large class also for most of an extended day until 4pm. When I began to sit outside of that class in the mornings with my daughter until ''circle time'' was over, I would have to sit as long as 40 minutes sometimes. Looking for some sound advice. The first coulple of days that I left him was hard--he cried for a while and they said that he was sad and looking for me for much of the time. I didn't have the luxury of doing what that mom did and had some tearful days anon. The school is Keystone Montessori in El Cerrito if you want to check it out. However it often becomes such an unpleasant scene to get her out the gate that I almost wish she didn't like being there so much. No matter how hard the staff tries to help, some children just cannot sleep well at daycare. The typical one-year-old can take anywhere from a few days to four weeks to adjust to their new routine in daycare. In fact, the morning after Thanksgiving vacation, I found him sitting patiently on the steps, waiting for me to get ready so we could go. We talked about her daily schedule; Daddy takes you to school, you spend time at school, Mommy picks you up, we go home so that you can spend time with baby brother and Mommy, eat dinner, take a bath etc etc. If it has helped me im sure its helped thousands more xx, Im so glad you found the post reassuring, Kaylie. Reading books about children going to daycare will help him understand that your new arrangement is something most children go through. You missed Mommy!'' Our son was back to his old self within a couple of weeks. But he just seems to be having problems adjusting and they think he should be more adjusted. For the older babies I've seen at our day care, it can take as long as 3-4 weeks for the crying at drop off (and sometimes beyond) to stop. He's normally a very easy-going child -- never cries for babysitters (even people he's never met), goes around actively exploring a new environment, doesn't even cry when he's given shots. Expect a few tears along the way and . Your situation sounds a lot like me ~3-4 years ago. Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: 0-5, daycare, daycare challenges, This post is the greatest thing. This morning he cried from the time we put his shoes on until I left him in preschool. She would cry and cry all the way to school. Then, we had to make a trip to Europe for a week (the trip was planned before I know that he would have not been adjusted to preschool after 3 months). my 2 1/2 year old daughter has been attending her new (and first) daycare since june, and yesterday was the first day in which she didn't cry when i dropped her off. I had my kid in a daycare in Alameda. In the meantime, get creative with different solutions and best of luck! We got a babysitter just for him, no share, and she adored him and took him everywhere and he was an angel. We are really confused about what to do. But also, I'd focus on trying to treat him more independently at home. We are just beginning a part-time preschool situation in combo with a babysitter so that the longest day is only 5 hours and the other 4 days are 3 hours in a school setting, and with babysitter is about 28 hours total per week. "Thanks for everyone's stories and commiserations on this. He was crying. First of all, solidarity, it is SO hard to see your little person in distress. kira. Why wasn't it ''hard to wait'' at the old place? A year later, she was ready and went eagerly. I would schedule a meeting with him/her. Been There. Although his teacher tells me he has ''good moments'' she is really helping us out with the transition in a very nurturing fashion. I realized that in talking to my child and trying to be ''sympathetic'' I was also conveying my own sense that this was going to be hard. So my friend's son kind of falls in the crack, too old for diaper (meaning time to time attention from the teacher) but not old enough to wipe his own (common, he's not even 3). Listen to your gut. Keep it light, and keep it quick. for about 2 months. In my case, I knew I had carefully picked out the preschool that best fit his needs. She will pick up on your emotions and take her cues from you. Especially if you are also introducing a routine (transportation in the morning and evening for her), a whole heck of a lot of new people and new routine for eating and sleeping! Here are some of the signs that your child might exhibit when he or she is not happy in day care. The timetable of adapting to preschool differs from child to child-some kids do well from the first day of class onward, while others may take closer to a month to fully adjust to . While children in the U.S. are likely to start daycare at around six weeks old, many parents will choose to hold off until their first birthday. After a few weeks, the waterworks started. We stuck it out for a while thinking maybe it was just adjustment problems, but things keep getting worse, and really escalated at the end. They had a transition group with a dedicated teacher who could spend time with the new little ones in a smaller group, and the other staff took the time to give my son individual attention when needed (i.e. I was the one who asked a very similar question in the fall. Nor did it occur to me that this preschool is pretty huge (size and activity wise) compared to his earlier situation. Rather than complaining about your son's crying, the teacher and the aide should be looking into reasons as to why he is doing it and working with you to help figure out a solution. I would appreciate any opinions/feedback on similar situations/advice on this. In our case, it was obvious (what a relief!) If not, consider making such a time when you come in - even a concentrated 15 minutes of focusing on play with the children could make her more excited about home. She said every kid is different some are fine right off the bat, others . "So - in the continuing saga of [my daughter]'s care - after the abrupt realization that her nanny was not capable of continuing to care for her - which was both shocking and is still very sad for all of us, we ended up placing Mads [in daycare]. You need to speak up for your rights and of your concerns. Many caregivers, including myself, have found it very helpful for the child to have one of Moms or Dads tee shirts to carry and cuddle. The first month was the hardest. Because I run a home daycare, she called me for advice. If so, maybe this school isn't a good fit. Daycare can be fun for new kids. I think she needs to learn that (1) it is inevitable that she will have to leave and (2) when you say you are leaving in 5 minutes, you will leave in 5 minutes. I did tell my friend, since he's son is so easy going and maybe introvert, if he has problem at school maybe he's good enough to hide it even to his mom. Transitions from one activity to another were difficult; like hes having fun in the gym he doesnt want to walk back to the classroom. The first week was great, she loved her teacher, and still talks a lot about her very positively. I bet you will sing the ABC song, too. Alas, sometimes things just don't click for whatever reason. Oh boy, is this familiar. I can\x92t just quit my job; I would be miserable without it. I am very concerned that she will have a difficult time adjusting to preschool, perhaps more than other kids, because she's never been ''dropped off'' before and left for any reason! We have gone through many such of these periods (although in our case we have moved preschool a few times due to house moves) and they have more or less always passed. Being cheerful and happy as you say goodbye will help your child understand that everything is ok. For a lot of things, I still do give extra chances. My sister was hesitant, but since she needed her in preschool, she agreed to try. Our son (3) is in his first year of pre-k immersion private schooI. These include crying before going to daycare, scared or reluctant at the mention of day care, refusing food at daycare, change in temperament, signs of cuts or bruises and most importantly constant infections and ill health. Secondly, like you, I brainstormed with my son what would help feel better at school. I am struggling with my daughter and playgroup. I was never good at being a scheduled person, but now that he takes the same nap at the same time every day, we just follow the same schedule on the weekends and it's wonderful!! Do not be afraid. He now seems to be very cheerful when I pick him up, talks about what he learned, talks about the kids and teachers, and seems excited. This is not easy, mind you, as I always have my 2 y.o. I leave as quickly as possible at dropoff. I could not tell from your post whether the daycare that your son was in was structured or more play-based, but if the new preschool follows a different format, and if the teachers are not very nurturing, it could make a big difference for a 3 year old. That was going on for almost 3 MONTHS. The word preschool evokes instant tears. 2) Consider what she is going home TO - is there something for her to look forward to? Several mornings at dropoff he has not cried. This is so out of character - he enjoyed preschool, never complained a day about going. Be sure to tell them about your past experience. I'd love to hear from parents who went through this - where did you child ultimately find success? Instead of crying all the way to school in the car we were able to have fun. When it is time to say goodbye (the teacher should be at your side) do so and go! Moreover he told me that the teacher would turn into an angry bird sometimes. We have less disposable income but a much happier child who is doing better in school. Your care giver should know that. GothMom 02/12/16. An OT, can evaluate (including school observation), do one-on-one sessions to help you and your child develop tools and strategies, as well as provide wrap around care (at school, in the moment assistance and help her teachers understand and utilize tools to better support). Any advice on how to help my daughter adjust or how long to wait it out would be helpful. In my experience the Montessori classroom is philosophically similar to the attachment style, attending to a child's cues etc.
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